Wine Tasting- The Rules
Okay, everybody is into wine now. Sales are huge and beer will soon be a close second. That's great. Congratulations, We've all grown up past wine coolers, wheat beer, whiskeys named after rednecks, schnappsesses, and sweet cocktails with junior high sexual puns.
Woo. And. Hoo.
So, you're "in the industry" and somehow you got an invite to a real wine tasting, a gathering where they didn't open to the public after 2 hours for the trade, a place where money will be spent and business done. Here are the rules:
1. Look at the menu, know what you are going to taste before approaching the table. Ask for the blah,blah,blah and let the guy pour. Now this is important- then BACK AWAY FROM THE TABLE so the next person can get his. If you get nothing else from my missive, learn this. Yes, you look hot in your capri pants and matching scarf, but here you're the lady with 10 coupons and a checkbook in the express lane at Kroger's.
2. Once you've got your pour and you've backed away, go nuts and wow your friend with everything you don't really know. I'm sure she's really impressed that you pegged "green lychee" in the sauvignon blanc, but here's the lowdown, skipper: the pros don't play name the flavor. It really comes down to like/don't and buy/don't buy. The quiet French guy in the printed sports coat with a polyesther dress shit? That guy's parents were giving him sips of Côtes de Nuits back when you were sticking your finger in the jar of Tang.
3. Don't spit. That means you've put too much in your mouth. I find pours are twice the size you need and since this isn't a supersize item, just pour out what you don't taste. Trust me, you're very close to missing and it isn't nearly as funny as it looked in Sideways. Wait, yes it is.
4. The crackers and munchies are small offerings to refresh your palate, not an all you can eat buffet.
5. Always say thank you after the pour, like Moms taught you.
6. Let the pros play thru . . . like golf. Sure, a big part of the fun is not having to be at work but that doesn't mean some of us aren't working. Try each bottle at each table if you must, but don't mind me going straight to the wines we're looking to buy.
7. The pourer is not really gonna date you and you can't impress her with your "Assistant Manager" business card- she's here to sell and the chat is just politeness. So don't be pissed when she ignores your question about stemming for the pro trying to find a Cab in his price point and needs to know "where the break is." And by the by, muttering to drunk-pro-girl on your right "what fucking break?". . . not a strong moment for you.
Yeah, you might say I had an annoying time at the last Burgundy tasting.
Go in Peace
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