Sain't Christopher

Public Service

One night at Rerun's I got into a prolonged, and losing, discussion with some of the older regulars about martinis.  The were all about the stupid joke as to how little vermouth to put in a martini.  This passed for wit:

• You pour the bottle of vermouth in a river.  Drive five miles down the river get one gallon of water.  Use that water to make ice cubes.  Use that ice to shake the gin.
• Take the bottle out, let the glass of gin read the label, put the vermouth back.

What we did agree on is that a martini has gin in it.  Not vodka, gin.  I have nothing against Vodka.  One summer my roommate Mary had a daily ritual of drinking Vodka with orange juice and a splash of Vernors.  I've never turned down a vodka drink but I feel a damn fool paying for all these high priced vodkas.  Consider: U.S. law requires that vodka be "neutral spirits, so distilled, or so treated after distillation with charcoal or other materials, as to be without distinctive character, aroma, taste or color." 

But gin - it has personality.

My whole childhood I watched Grandpa Monroe make his martini.  People who came over asked him to make them and raved how his were the best.  I didn't get my first until I came back on leave from the Army, all of 19.  I probably would have loved it even if it tasted like wet socks, but it was smooth and flavorful.  I have since made it for friends and have converted a few of them over. 

Grandpa said he tried all the gins and all the vermouths before coming up with his mix.  And, as a public service, here is the recipe

Monroe Lake's Martini

3oz (2 shots) Seagrams Golden Gin
1oz (2/3 shot) Noilly Prat  Vermouth
1 Lemon Peel (use a potato peeler)
2 Olives
1 cup ice cubes

In a pitcher, put ice and pour over it the gin and vermouth.  Stir for half a minute.  Drain into a 5oz martini glass.  Twist the lemon peel, spraying the oil onto the surface of the drink.  Stick the olives in.

The whole difference is the vermouth.  White vermouth is also called French vermouth while the red variety is known as Italian vermouth.  Now, of all the stupidity, in America most bars stock Martini & Rossi Vermouth.  Do you drink anything else they make? No.  So why drink a French wine made by Italian immigrants?

Well, there it is.  I make myself one once in a while at home.  I've tried to order one at bars but it's too confusing for the bartenders.

Go in Peace

Audit

Let's see:

• Joined a gym
• Hanging out with a 27 year-old
• Going to hipster bars
• Bought a convertible sports car

Yes, I think we can say my mid-life crisis is in full swing.

Go in Peace

Mortified

Last night Caution set the agenda and, boy, did she raise the bar.  Whereas I couldn't find anything interesting to do (because I'm old and have to actually look- there was a time I just knew) she came up with seeing Mortified at the MakeOut Room.

First, we had dinner.  I'm very much a Marxist when it comes to dining out: each according to their abilities.  First time we went out I, overpaid professional, sprung for Jeanty at Jack's.  Last night she, a graduate student, treated for burritos at Cancun in the Mission.  All that's left is for us to march together on May 1st. 

There are a couple zillion taquerias in SF and, despite all using the same 12 ingredients, they are not the same.  Cancun has a very tasty marinated pork, decent salsa and, most importantly, they grill rather than steam the tortilla.  So much better than the Mexian meal I had two weeks ago at The City's hottest new restaurant, Tres Agave. 

We ate with my cell sitting on the table.  The show had been sold out and we were on the wait list.  Mortified is quite the happening thing or, more probably, it was a year ago. Anything featured on NPR a couple times hasn't hit the sold-by date, but it doesn't qualify as fresh.  When we got back to the bar we were next on the list.  The owner thought he was at his limit so we stood inside the doorway as the show began.  Finally the door guy, Mr. William Call, waved us in.

The show.

Here's the idea.  Real grown up people read from diaries, journals, letters, and poems that they wrote in High School or Middle School sharing the horror of youth.

For two hours we laughed until our faces hurt.  Most of the readings documented the frustration of young love.  "I cannot see myself ever actually killing Cheryl, I'm an artist and all my anger is directed at my art!" And. " . . .asked Horace who he liked and he said "Sunshine."  FUCK, FUCK,FUCK,FUCK, FUCK.  I hate Sunshine, bitch, slut, Satan worshiper."

Truly my favorite was the last reader.  She documented her time in the Cotton Judging Club of Future Farmer's of America.  "I was like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.  I was very good at what I did, but my methods upset people."

If Mortified comes to your town, by all means go.

Go in Peace

The Difference

While watching the women's figure skating finals

Her:  It's just so beautiful and inspiring.

Him:  I really liked the way that other Japanese girl's panties rode right up there.

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Chow

Here's what was featured on the menu tonight:

Grilled Spicy Pork Chop with Apple-Raisin Horseradish Compote
Sauteed Cabbage with Bacon and Mushrooms
Potato and Cheese Pierogi

Go in Peace

Slurp

During our slumber party, LJR and I drank the following:

2004 Water Wheel "Memsie" $10
"90 points and a Smart Buys designation from the Wine Spectator: "Smooth and generous, a lively style with juicy plum and blackberry aromas and flavors, lingering on the refined finish. Shiraz, Cabernet Sauvignon and Malbec blend."

2000 Angelo Delea "Carato" Merlot SWISS TICINO
Was $46.99 - Price: $5.99
"This is Merlot from Switzerland, actually they have been growing Merlot in Ticino since the beginning of the last century! Wildly complex flavors, aged in small French oak this intriguing wine is supple, balanced on the palate and insanely spicy."

I went down to visit LJR because, well, I'm a single man and sometimes I have needs.  In this case I needed to have someone pamper and dote on me.  Make no mistake, Chez Recker is better than most multi-star Hotels.  She makes a comfortable bed for me on the couch, pours wine from start to finish, and makes sure that there is water and pain pills the next morn.

Know what we did as we drank the first wine.  We listened to music.  Do kids even do that today?  How many people can you hook up on an iPod?  Back in our youth, it was perfectly normal to go over to a friends house and listen to records.  Not just talk with music on in the back ground, but actually shut up and dig how cool Bill Withers truly is.

Of course, sometimes it wasn't such a good thing.  One friend from High School, Dean, would drive us over to his house (too far away to walk) and keep us there listening to songs long after we were interested.  To this day I know my affection for early '80s Jefferson Starship was an outgrowth of Stockholm Syndrome.

Anyways, LJR and I enjoyed the first bottle.  Cheap and tasty, the way we like it.  The second bottle was a huge disappointment.  It was corked.  "Corked" is when the cork gets moldy and contaminates the wine.  We we just settling in for an episode of 6 Feet Under so we opted for a good standby-

2002 Cline Syrah California - $10
Lean and tight, with earthy cherry and cranberry flavors that pick up a nice beef and pepper scent.  (WS - 84pts)

And this was a fine drinking wine.  It was fine right before we both crapped out and it was fine again the next morning.

While drinking our Cline, we watched The Tomorrow Show - Punk & New Wave.  I thought it was clips for Tom Snyder's old show and instead it was whole episodes.  Quite the nostalgic morning we had, indeed.  Three things we figured out:

1. There was something much more fun about the '70s and early '80s homosexuals as they stepped into the doorway of their closet for the interview.
2. Nothing on TV today is anywhere near as cool as Tom Snyder's brave attempt at interviewing out of his depth.  His perseverance with should-be-smacked-many-times-about-the-face John Lydon and his PiL partner Keith-higher-than-the-RCA-building-Levine is just pure art.
3. With his audience interaction, you can see the seeds that will soon become Morton Downey Jr. and eventually end up in full blossom as Jerry Springer.

All in all a lovely sleep over.  Thanks, LJR.

Go in Peace

And A Child Shall Lead Them

Across America single men like myself are wearing black armbands this week.  Why?  Because our hopes and dreams are dashed with announcement that Miss Bridget (the Hamstress) is now going off the market.

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Personal Hero

Reasons why Vincent, is my new hero:

He politely declines to comment on my freakishly large hands, although he does seem to express a small bit of shock.

He feels no humiliation when sticking his foot in his mouth.

Only 5 months old and he's already lived out one of my longtime fantasies: being strapped down*, surrounded by cute asian babes while wearing a silk onesie.

*Diaper Optional

Go in Peace

Sain't's Day Countdown!

We're only two months away from my birthday and if you're wondering what to get the Sain't, might I recommend the Canadian Women's Curling Team 2006 calendar. 

C'mon.  If you're gonna make just one person happy this year, why not me?

Go in Peace

Just Can't Get Enough

Click here for even more humor at the expense of "Deadeye" Dick Cheney.

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